The Dappled Willow

Since sprucing up my bedroom closet, I’ve had a bunch of people ask me how on earth I convinced my husband to declutter his wardrobe.

The truth is it was a multi step process. Just follow the 5 Ps!

Step 1: Propose the Idea of Purging

I think the best place to start is by asking nicely. Begin with a healthy open conversation about the clutter. Even if it leads to a “discussion” (or argument) about how decluttering is unnecessary and a waste of time because everything he owns is awesome and sparks joy.

If Step 1 fails to deliver a positive response, proceed to Step 2.

Step 2: Parade the Benefits of Purging 

Make the benefits of decluttering your wardrobe obvious by decluttering your own stuff first. 

• Show off how much space you’ve gained since purging.
• Display how organized your things are now.
• Brag about how much money you’ve made by selling your old things, or how awesome donating is!
• Strut your stuff now that all the clothes you sport spark joy.
• Sport a smile and wear your joy proudly!
• Make a spectacle about how great you feel now that you’ve decluttered.

If Step 2 fails to inspire action, proceed to Step 3.

Step 3: Pressure Him to Purge

Lay it on thick with the politicking.

• Plant seeds of doubt about the items you think need to go. (Remember to be kind in your delivery of “You’re going to wear that?”)
• Campaign to get rid of some bedroom furniture (dressers) to maximize space.
• Insist on a new closet configuration that requires a complete wardrobe review. 

If Step 3 fails to make him question every item he owns, proceed to Step 4.

Step 4: Pretend to Purge

Take out the things you’d like to see gone from his wardrobe and just hide them away as a test run.

• Be fair: Stained and ripped items should be safe bets, but worn and tired items may be bit harder to know where to draw the line.
• Be careful: Too big or too small are literally tough to size up.
• Be sensitive. Tread lightly with sentimental items.
• Be reasonable. Don’t leave him with nothing.
• Display all the good things that are left nicely. 
• Hide the “To-Go” pile and show your hubs the beautiful results.
• Then give him the option of going through your To-Go pile so he can veto if he really wants.

If Step 4 fails to move your husband to follow through and relinquish his duds, proceed to Step 5.

Step 5: Pray for Peace (and Purging)

Pray for patience. Pray he’ll see the light and change his hoarding ways. Pray this doesn’t drive you bananas!

WARNING: Do NOT Purge Without Permission 

I, along with Marie Kondo do not suggest tossing things that don’t belong to you without permission. This is risky and has the potential to really backfire and lead to resentment and mistrust. If you do decide to purge without permission make sure you repeat Step 5 and be sure to pray, pray, pray for forgiveness. 

Putting the 5 Ps into Practice: What I Did, and How My Husband Reacted

As I’ve mentioned before, I got bit by the decluttering bug a few years ago and have been trying in vain to implement the KonMari method in our home. 

The idea behind Marie Kondo’s method, called KonMari, is to get rid of the stuff, clutter, and junk that you no longer need, appreciate or want, and keep only the things that spark joy to you. Once you have only the things that you love, it will be easier to keep those things in order because you truly care for each item. She says it is best to move through the items by category: clothes, books, papers, komono (miscellany) and mementos.

Marie Kondo is pretty clear in her book that you shouldn’t force this method on others in your home and that you should only tackle your own belongings. I had gone through my own wardrobe several times hoping that my husband would see what I was doing and get on board the purging train with me. 

I kept getting discouraged when I tried to move on to the categories after Clothing, since almost all of those items are shared. If it’s not solely mine I feel like it’s not just my decision. Plus with three kids it’s hard to tackle a category without support and I still really want us to go through the categories together because it’s a time consuming and exhausting process.

When we would talk about it my husband would say, “Why must it be all or nothing? I get rid of one thing here and there and I like how tidy my things are. We just need to put things away.”

It’s true, by nature he is much more tidy than me, in that he puts things “away” or finds a place for things other than the floor. But then every drawer, every closet, every cupboard, chest, bin, bag, etc is full of a mish mash of stuff and nothing makes sense. His method of one item being donated from time to time doesn’t amount to noticeable change and has little impact on overall organization. 

I did Steps 1-3, discussing, modeling the benefits, subtly hinting that some of his things had to go to make way for my vision of our bedroom and closet. Finally, I went ahead and got the ball rolling for him and did a mock purge. I went through his clothes and put everything I thought he could do without on the bed. There were things that were too big, too small, and things he never wore, things that were out of style, things with rips, holes and stains. 

I tried to leave all the things I knew he loved, like his coveted Toronto Raptors shorts that he bought when he was 15 years old. I’m not a monster.

Side Note: His Raptors shorts are so worn I can almost see right through them but he claims they’re the most comfortable bottoms he owns. Thankfully they’re only for working around the house now. 

When he came home from work that day, I showed him how nice the closet looked with more space and only the nice things he owned still hanging. It was an undeniable improvement. 

He went through the pile on the bed and said, 

“You don’t like this one?”

“I guess this one is pretty faded.”

“Wait, I thought I looked good in this one.”

“I didn’t know I still had this!” 

“Wow, I didn’t realize I had 16 pairs of pants.”

It turned into a fun evening as he tried things on and debated whether he really wanted to keep things from my suggested discard pile or not. He went even further and decided to say goodbye to more than I expected. 

We were able to downsize our wardrobes so significantly that we now share one dresser (3 large drawers each) and our newly organized closet.

We’ve given some things to friends and family, we’ve been able to sell a fair amount of items through Kijiji and Facebook Marketplace, but we donated the majority of our clothes to secondhand stores. He’s really happy with the clothes he kept and now he knows exactly what he’d still like to get to complete his wardrobe.

I truly hope you find success earlier than I did. If you try all five steps without success, I’m sorry, hang in there. Don’t give up and repeat all the steps until you wear him down. Good luck!

Before

After