The Dappled Willow

“It’s been six weeks since the birth. So, how are you feeling?”

Typically I would answer, “Great!” but that response is so vague and inaccurate. It isn’t fair to the magnitude of the situation; I just had my third baby! There’s just so much to unpack. 

I tend to downplay any difficulties I encounter in motherhood for a number of reasons.

For one, I like to keep things positive and prefer not to dwell. Just keep swimming, right Little Mom Who Could Swim?

Second, it’s all relative. I know of other moms who have had it way worse than me in the pregnancy, birth, postpartum and parenting departments. I don’t want to complain.

Third, I consider the impression I could leave on my childless friends and would hate for them to think being a parent is worse than it actually is. I know it isn’t for everyone but I don’t want to be the one people point to as an example of why they don’t want kids.

Most of all, deep down, I think I diminish my struggles because I don’t want anyone to think I can’t handle it all. As much as I want the world to think I have it all together, the truth is I DON’T. I am unfortunately far from #momgoals.

I recently called my mom asking her if she had issues with getting me and my siblings to listen to instructions, try new foods, potty train, fall asleep on their own, sleep through the night, and about a bunch of other parenting things I’ve been experiencing lately. From my memory she always made it look so easy. I don’t remember ever seeing her as frustrated as I’ve been feeling. But she confirmed that OF COURSE she had troubles with all of those things and it was comforting to know I wasn’t alone.

I mean, I obviously knoooow parents struggle with all of those things and then some, but it was helpful to HEAR IT firsthand from another mama who’s been there. It’s comforting to actually have the conversation and confirm I’m not the only one feeling this way.

So here are my experiences at 6 weeks postpartum. For any mamas out there who may be feeling alone on the struggle bus, you ain’t!

Henry was my first so there was a steep learning curve with breastfeeding. It is NOT as easy as the peaceful ladies on the pamphlets make it look! I wound up with mastitis less than 2 weeks in due to Henry having a tongue tie. Pushing through the painful nursing was rough. Then caring for his wounded tongue after it was released was an extra challenge. To those having a tough time with breastfeeding, I feel ya! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

After Freddy was born it was clear he had some bad skin issues. I had to take him to the children’s hospital for all sorts of appointments. It turns out he has allergies that were causing eczema to flare which allowed infections to spread. I had to cut things out of my diet. I was administering antibiotics and I was constantly applying medicated lotions, balms, creams, ointments, you name it all over his little body. If anyone else is experiencing medical issues with their newborn, I know it is stressful and scary. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Then with Ginny, things have been different. She is thriving and growing beautifully. I feel like God has blessed me with one of those “easy” babies you sometimes hear about. And boy am I grateful since I have the other two to care for as well!

After every birth the doctors recommend a 6 week period of rest and recovery. But this time around was different. You see, Ginny was delivered by emergency c-section. I’m actually still processing the whole thing but more on that to come another time. 

I had to stay in the hospital for 2 days. I couldn’t get out of the bed because I was hooked up to an IV the whole time. I couldn’t sit up without assistance. This made nursing Ginny difficult, especially at night as Daniel was sleeping at home with the boys, and I was on my own in the hospital. In spite of all the drugs I was given for pain management, it hurt to even reach for her in the bedside bassinet. I had to call a nurse in to help me every time Ginny needed to feed.

Childbirth is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done, natural and c-section, but for some reason I still downplayed how much it hurt. Whenever I was asked to pick a number on the pain scale I only let myself pick a max of 4-5 because I was sure other people probably feel worse than me. It’s not like I was hit by a bus or anything. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced but I’m sure it could be worse.

For any mamas feeling physical pain postpartum, c-section or not, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Childbirth IS painful and there’s no point in denying it.

Now that the recommended 6 weeks of postpartum rest and recovery have come to an end, I’m realizing the emotional, psychological and physical impacts of having a baby last waaay longer than 6 weeks. I mean duh, it’s a life-changing event! I need to admit that I’m not feeling 100% at this point and that is OKAY.

My incision is still healing but thankfully I’m not in as much pain as I was before. I definitely pushed myself more than I should have in the early days while I was riding the adrenaline high of bringing a new person into the world. After all of my births I’ve just wanted to share my excitement and for everyone I’ve ever met to see the cool, amazing, beautiful person my husband and I made! I mean, just look at her!

In addition to the natural excitement and adrenaline, this time around I had pretty strong painkillers helping me push through the pain. Well those pills have run out and the reality of being a mom of three has begun to truly set in. Let me tell you, juggling three monkeys at these ages is HARD. They’re all super sweet and we have so much fun together but then there’s also so much crying. Why do they all cry so much? It drives me bananas!

To any moms feeling overwhelmed, and maybe even outnumbered, don’t despair! The struggle is real, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Kids are just crazy.

So, how am I feeling 6 weeks postpartum? It’s tough to really summarize. There are lots of ups and many downs. There have been moments where I’ve felt so happy and so much love for my little family that I thought my heart might burst. Yes, I prefer to focus on those times but I’m determined to admit to the times of weakness too.

Going forward, I will strive to be more in tune and honest with myself. No more downplaying the tough stuff for appearances sake. I need to be open with my husband and others about my physical, emotional and psychological hardships. That’s the only way I’ll get the help I need to address them.

I am realizing I don’t have to, nor do I want to go through these things alone. Perhaps by sharing my real life more openly and authentically I’ll find validation, support and solutions for those daily struggles.

So mum, be prepared for more late night phone calls, and world here come more honest ramblings about how hard being a mom can be. Six weeks postpartum and beyond!